The Face of God

Sam Strawn

    Mama always told me to be wary. The world is big, she said. It stretches across the creek where we drink, past the glade where my brothers and sisters and I were born, long past the tallest and crookedest tree where Papa was taken by the earth. The world is much bigger than just us and Mama tells us that God is in charge of it all. I think the Long-Haired Beast is in charge, but Mama says he’s not. It never made sense, because the world is big and in it are those who see us as food. So I am wary, both for Mama and for myself.
   The world even goes past the shores of the Great Stone River. No one knows what is past the Great Stone River, but I believe there’s a beautiful glade, with flowing rivers and tall grass and all the flowers I could ever hope to eat. A sister of mine once sought out the world beyond, before I was born. I never knew that sister. The others say she never came back. I wouldn’t either if I found paradise. Mama doesn’t talk about her. She only tells us never to adventure out that far. I don’t know why Mama is scared.
   But I’ve listened to Mama, and I’ve been wary. I’ve also grown. I’ve grown stronger and faster and my spots have long since faded. I’ve seen four harsh freezes and four sets of antlers come and go.
   This most recent rainy season, we lost Mama to the earth. My brother told me that the day we lost her was the day he saw God. I only ever saw Mama. She shielded me and him from the Long-Haired Beast of the cave. I led my brother away, over rocks and branches, through shrubs and trees, as quickly as our legs could take us. Mama yelled out after us. Mama didn’t tell me to be wary. Mama told me to be brave. It was the only time in her life. 
   Soon after, the dry season came, and the creek dried up. With the rising and falling of the sun, more and more of my brothers and sisters went to be with the earth. Mama would have told me God was in control of it. I’m not so sure.
   My brother told me to trust that God would take care of it all, that we would be safe, that all I had to do was trust. In short time, the earth took him as well.
   I believe there’s more beyond the Great Stone River. I believe there’s better beyond the Great Stone River. There has to be, for my brothers, for my sisters, for Mama. If God will not save us, I will.
   The Great Stone River is wide. I go under cover of night so that no one will try to stop me. I peek out from the grass and my path is clear. I am a step away from freedom.
   I start to cross.
   I hear the stone clink as I walk.
   I hear the wind.
   Something is wrong. It whistles and it thunders. It hums through the air, through my bones.
   I turn to look as it approaches.
   My feet are heavy, I cannot lift them from where they stand. All I can do is stare. It’s beautiful. My stomach churns with fear. I think of Mama. I think of my brother. I think of my sister. But mostly, as I look into the light, I think that this is what it is to see the face of God.